Faith in Parenting

This is a great verse to share with your kids the next time they express fear of the unknown.  Maybe your son is anxious about his first sleepover, or your daughter is worried about attending a new dance school.  Our kids enter into situations that are “new” to them all the time, but it’s not always comfortable.  Reminding them - and ourselves, for that matter! - that God himself goes ahead of them and will be with them is incredibly reassuring.

So the next time you’re presented with a “what if…” from one of your kids, consider sharing this verse and turning the moment into a quick One-Minute Devotional opportunity!

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Some Thoughts for All of Us: Boy, this is tough to remember sometimes, isn’t it? I mean, how many times do we find ourselves worrying? Worrying about what will happen tomorrow, whether we will have enough money, or whether we’ll be asked to face something we can not yet imagine.

Let’s do something - let’s really memorize this verse, and repeat it in those moments when worries come creeping upon us.  The Lord himself goes before us and will be with us.  ~Amen!

Last week, on our Faith in Parenting Support Call, we got to talking about how to handle outside influences on our children. This week, we’re going to explore how we identify those outside influences. For example, what changes in our kids’ behavior cause us to say, “Wait a minute. This is having a negative impact on you (or your grades, or our family…), and we need to deal with it.”

It sounds simplistic, but sometimes it’s hard to make the distinction between what we need to keep an eye on and what we need to take action about.

To join us, call (218) 486-1300 at 2:00 pm (ET) on Tuesday, March 11, and enter the access code 669379. (For those in other time zones, the call will take place at 1:00 pm CT, 12:00 noon MT, and 11:00 am PT.)

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

* Date: Tuesday, March 11, 2008
* Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
* Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
* Access Code: 669379

And as always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,
Jennifer

It’s the first week of the month, so our topic for this week’s Faith in Parenting Support Call is up to you! Bring your questions and any pressing issues you’d like to discuss with the group. The last time we did this, it led to a really interesting discussion about dealing with bullies, and I’m sure this will be another great call.

To participate, simply call in at 2:00 pm (ET) to talk about whatever is on your mind, ask questions, and share concerns related to raising your kids. (For those in other time zones, the call will take place at 1:00 pm CT, 12:00 noon MT, and 11:00 am PT.)

“See you” there!

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

* Date: Tuesday, March 4, 2008
* Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
* Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
* Access Code: 669379

And as always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

The topic of bullies came up on this week’s “Tuesdays at 2:00” support call, as one mom shared that her son has had to deal with several bullies on the school bus this year. While the incidents were addressed as soon as her son brought them to her attention, she was asking on our “Open Line” call for ideas to help her son deal with the issue in the future, should it ever come up again.

(Note: To listen to the audio recording of the call, click “Support Call Archive” to your right.”)

Well, I can tell you that - having been bullied myself as a kid - it’s an issue that’s near-and-dear to my heart, and I’ve always wanted to make sure that my own kids have the skills to deal with bullies upfront. So we actually started early our own mini-version of “bully proofing” our kids by role playing with them how to deal with sandbox-type conflicts when they were small.

(What’s that? Well, you know, you’re at a playground and your child is playing with some other kids he/she just met. Everything is fine, until one of the kids grabs something out of your child’s hands, or starts throwing sand… you know, a sandbox conflict!)

So here’s what we taught them:

Introduce Yourself - Early on, we taught both of our kids how to explicitly introduce themselves to other kids. “Hi, my name is… Do you want to play?” Neither of them were totally comfortable with it at first, but I can tell you that once they got the hang of it, I could see on their faces that they were so proud of themselves!

Speak Up - We role played with our kids how to handle it when someone grabs something from you, kicks you, cuts you in line, or does something you don’t like.

Use a Deeper, More Serious Tone of Voice - This is something that is especially good for kids to practice at home. By using a deeper voice to assert themselves, they draw instant attention to what they’re saying.

Name It - In addition, we taught our kids to come right out and say the thing that they want the other child to stop doing. For example, “Don’t kick me.” This also gets the other child’s attention and helps them to realize, if they didn’t already, what it is that they’re doing.

Talk About It - Finally, we also taught them to come and talk with us about it when they’re having difficulty.

Remember, too, that our kids feel conflicted about how to handle conflicts with other kids. We’ve taught them to share, be kind, cooperative, and generous. Then, when they find themselves in a situation where another child is doing the exact opposite, they’re not sure how to handle it without getting themselves into trouble. The key is to explicitly give them skills for asserting themselves, and teach them when it’s appropriate to use them.

In addition, consider checking out from your local library several fiction books dealing with the issue of bullying. This way, you’ll have plenty of context with which you can role play with your kids. Ask them, “What was the most important thing that ___ did to deal with the problem?” “What would you have done differently?” “What do you think it sounded like when he said that?”

Unfortunately, dealing with bullies is probably something that all of our kids are going to come up against at some point in their lives. Talking about it now will equip them with the skills they need, and also help them to reach out and defend other kids when they see bullying behaviors happening around them.

Recommended Bookslists/Children’s Books on Bullying:

• Books on Bullying From the Seattle Public Library
• Bullying Booklist From the Lawrence Public Library (Kansas)
• Bullying Resources List from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital

Today was haircut day, and my son’s hairstyle is a little longer than I’d have chosen myself - that is, if I were the one calling the shots on his hairstyle.

Why aren’t I calling the shots?

Well, some would call it a compromise; others might call it the dumbing down of parental expectations. I think of it as “choosing my battles.”

With all the expectations he already has to live up to - things like saying “No” to Teen games like Guitar Hero, even when all his friends are playing it - I think supporting his own freedom of expression in an area as innocuous as a hairstyle is a positive thing.

See, we can maintain our influence as parents even when we make intentional decisions to support our kids’ independence. We need to realize this truth, or we’ll start to panic and declare rule after rule in areas that don’t even matter to us!

What do you think? Where have you made an intentional decision about a “battle” or two, and ended up feeling really good about it?

Remember, too, that there’s a vast difference between choosing - which is work and requires us to think on the issue for a bit - and ignoring an issue altogether.

Lord, give us your wisdom as we consider those areas where we can support our kids’ growing independence, and those areas where we need to exert our authority as moms and lead our children in a different direction. Above all, may your will be done in their lives, and may we be your instrument in guiding them. Amen.

As parents, one of the things that we’re responsible for is the content of what goes into our kids’ brains, in terms of what they see on TV and even what they hear on the radio. This past week our family took one more step in the direction of limiting negative ideas, attitudes, and behaviors that our kids see on the TV screen. We password protected Disney, Cartoon Network, and Nickelodeon!

Now, that’s not to say that our 8 and 4 year olds can never watch anything on these channels. That’s not the case. But I don’t want them to be able to just waltz into the TV room and turn on whatever they want, because - frankly - I’m not thrilled with the dismissive attitude toward parental authority that I see in some of the shows that are on these networks.

I’m not talking about anything horrendous, just a general sense of disrespect…as if parents can and should be outwitted.

What we’re doing instead is taping a few shows on our digital video recorder (DVR) and then watching them together. This way, we can talk about the content and sift through any negative attitudes.  The bonus is that not only do I have a chance to mediate what my kids are exposed to, but watching the shows together is a lot of fun!

If this is an issue that’s important to you, I invite you to listen in on a Blog Talk Radio Show for moms called Mama’s Time Out, which will air live at 2:30 Mountain Time. To participate in the call live, ask questions, and share your own war stories about trying to monitor your kids’ TV time, call in to the show tomorrow afternoon at 2:30. The number is (646) 595-4516.

In addition, if you’d like help monitoring your kids’ TV time, take advantage of my free e-course, “Reduce Your Kids’ TV Time in 30 Days.”

This week we focused on how to cultivate our children’s strengths. If someone asked you right now what your kids’ strengths are, what would you say? What ideas would immediately roll of your tongue? What sets them apart from others?

Some of their strengths are immediately obvious. Perhaps your child is great with numbers, is naturally athletic, or is extremely empathetic with others.

Now, dig a little deeper. What are some of the under-developed aspects of your child’s personality or character that you might be able to help him or her cultivate? What potential do you see? And what might be the natural result of these characteristics without your intentional guidance?

During the call (which you can listen to online by selecting “Support Call Archive” in the sidebar to your right), I shared that my daughter is a very passionate person. At 4, I can tell you that this sometimes poses a challenge for me. But when I shift my focus off of the inconvenience of her being passionate about - say, her perspective of what’s “fair” - to envisioning the potential that’s wrapped up in that part of her, I begin to look at things a bit differently.

Instead of passionate and dramatic, I’m thinking of how she has the potential to grow into an extremely compassionate young woman, able to put herself into another person’s shoes and even stand up for those around her.

And the beauty of it is that when I see the challenges of tempering her passion (at times) through that lens of potential, it changes how I deal with it in the moment.

How about you? What are some of the more challenging aspects of your kids’ personalities, and how might you be able to influence them for good in how you choose to respond?

Also, how can you honor your kids where they’re at, and how might that free them to further develop their unique strengths? For more on this topic, listen to the entire support call recording.

I have a friend who is pregnant right now with a very active little baby! He seems to be in constant motion within her belly, and we’ve joked about what an athlete he’s going to be.

I can remember, too, being pregnant with my son and noticing that each time we sang in church, he became particularly active; and I wondered if he would grow up to love music. (And I have to say that he is one who, to this day, is constantly humming or singing along with the radio!)

What about your kids did you notice from “day one” that has proved to be true about them as they’ve grown older? What’s unique about them? How are they different from their siblings, and how does this lead you to parent them differently?

This week on our “Tuesdays at 2:00” support call, we’re going to talk about how to parent our children as individuals. Each one is special and was intentionally knit together by God. He designed their personalities, their interests, and their quirks. Let’s explore the potential we see in what God has created, and how He might be calling us to affirm and shape our kids’ individual uniquenesses as they grow into adulthood.

In addition, please note that this week we’re going to meet on a different telebridge line. Here are the details:

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, December 4, 2007
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

As always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

What are your favorite parts of the holiday season? Which parts are “work” to you, and which parts are soul-satisfying?

I used to think that putting up the tree was a hassle; I could never get the lights right! And I can tell you that tonight is no different; the tree is technically upright, but there are whole sections unlit!

And guess what? That’s really okay. I’ll figure it out tomorrow or Monday; it will get done. For now, it looks beautiful anyway just as it is.

So how about you? What parts of the Christmas celebrations tend to stress you out? What’s really important to you in how your family celebrates Christmas, and what would you rather skip this year? How can you incorporate more of “the good stuff” and less of anything that feels like drudgery?

Here are some suggestions for simplifying your holiday season:

• Decide up front which traditions mean the most to you and which ones you’re doing simply because you’ve always done them.
• Try to include at least one “favorite” from each family member’s list.
• Communicate with your extended family about gift-giving. I know this is a tough one, but being up front about your wishes can save you a lot of time and money.
• Plan ahead for any gifts you want to make this year, and be honest about how long they will take to complete. (Don’t forget to incorporate the time you’ll spend gathering supplies, too!)
• Wrap gifts as you purchase them. This eliminates the risk of hiding something and later forgetting where you put it!
• Set a date for mailing gifts to out-of-town recipients.
• Don’t forget to include at least one date night during the holiday season, and schedule some mini-breaks for yourself, as well!

Think about it… If we really believe Jesus is the reason for the season, can we continue to fret over details like Christmas lights? It’s perfectly okay if some of your traditional celebrations - like hanging lights outside or baking homemade treats for your neighbors - don’t get done “on time” this year - or even at all! What’s really important is the preparation in your heart.