Faith in Parenting

I love snow days! It’s not quite 10:00 am yet, and we’ve already been outside, had hot chocolate, and worked on a craft project. What to do with the rest of the day…

Actually, I wrote about this yesterday in my monthly newsletter. Here are the tips I shared:

Play a Board Game - We’ve kind of developed a tradition of playing “Life” on snow days, which is perfect, since it’s a game that requires a little more time to set up and play from start-to-finish than the other games we’re drawn to on a typical day. How about you? What “full length” games can you dig out and play on the next snow day?

Build a Snowman - Okay. This idea seems, well, obvious. But I mention it because, frankly, it’s one of those things that we think we’ll get to, plan to get to, and well, often don’t-end-up-getting-to. Remember, you’re not just building a structure that will melt a few weeks from now; you’re building the connection with your kids! And that’s worth getting cold and wet for!

Bake - Again, this is one of those things that we’d like to do, but don’t often have time for. So while your kids are home for a few extra hours, spend 20 minutes whipping up some brownies or cookies together. It’s yet another simple, effective way to connect with your kids. (Whatever you decide to make will probably go well with the hot chocolate, too!)

Tackle a Group Project - You know that back room downstairs that needs to be cleaned out, or the closet in your foyer that has accumulated more papers, mittens, and miscellaneous items than you know what to do with? A snow day is the perfect time to tackle something like this together with your kids. Get them involved from start-to-finish so that they gain an understanding of what maintaining the thing you’re working on really means.

Read and Review - A snow day also gives you an opportunity to spend some extra time working with your kids on those times tables they’ve been struggling with, or read an extra book or two out loud. In fact, let them pick a theme and see how many related titles you can share together.

Rest- Finally, what I love best about snow days is the chance to rest. God gave us the seventh day of the week to rest and recuperate, but we don’t always use it as a true day of rest. So the next time your kids have a snow day, see if you can’t carve out a few minutes here and there to put your feet up and take a break. It may be the most important “thing” you accomplish all day!

The topic of bullies came up on this week’s “Tuesdays at 2:00” support call, as one mom shared that her son has had to deal with several bullies on the school bus this year. While the incidents were addressed as soon as her son brought them to her attention, she was asking on our “Open Line” call for ideas to help her son deal with the issue in the future, should it ever come up again.

(Note: To listen to the audio recording of the call, click “Support Call Archive” to your right.”)

Well, I can tell you that - having been bullied myself as a kid - it’s an issue that’s near-and-dear to my heart, and I’ve always wanted to make sure that my own kids have the skills to deal with bullies upfront. So we actually started early our own mini-version of “bully proofing” our kids by role playing with them how to deal with sandbox-type conflicts when they were small.

(What’s that? Well, you know, you’re at a playground and your child is playing with some other kids he/she just met. Everything is fine, until one of the kids grabs something out of your child’s hands, or starts throwing sand… you know, a sandbox conflict!)

So here’s what we taught them:

Introduce Yourself - Early on, we taught both of our kids how to explicitly introduce themselves to other kids. “Hi, my name is… Do you want to play?” Neither of them were totally comfortable with it at first, but I can tell you that once they got the hang of it, I could see on their faces that they were so proud of themselves!

Speak Up - We role played with our kids how to handle it when someone grabs something from you, kicks you, cuts you in line, or does something you don’t like.

Use a Deeper, More Serious Tone of Voice - This is something that is especially good for kids to practice at home. By using a deeper voice to assert themselves, they draw instant attention to what they’re saying.

Name It - In addition, we taught our kids to come right out and say the thing that they want the other child to stop doing. For example, “Don’t kick me.” This also gets the other child’s attention and helps them to realize, if they didn’t already, what it is that they’re doing.

Talk About It - Finally, we also taught them to come and talk with us about it when they’re having difficulty.

Remember, too, that our kids feel conflicted about how to handle conflicts with other kids. We’ve taught them to share, be kind, cooperative, and generous. Then, when they find themselves in a situation where another child is doing the exact opposite, they’re not sure how to handle it without getting themselves into trouble. The key is to explicitly give them skills for asserting themselves, and teach them when it’s appropriate to use them.

In addition, consider checking out from your local library several fiction books dealing with the issue of bullying. This way, you’ll have plenty of context with which you can role play with your kids. Ask them, “What was the most important thing that ___ did to deal with the problem?” “What would you have done differently?” “What do you think it sounded like when he said that?”

Unfortunately, dealing with bullies is probably something that all of our kids are going to come up against at some point in their lives. Talking about it now will equip them with the skills they need, and also help them to reach out and defend other kids when they see bullying behaviors happening around them.

Recommended Bookslists/Children’s Books on Bullying:

• Books on Bullying From the Seattle Public Library
• Bullying Booklist From the Lawrence Public Library (Kansas)
• Bullying Resources List from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital

This week we’re going to try something new on the Tuesdays at 2:00 support call - an “open line” format.

Simply call in at 2:00 pm (ET) to talk about whatever is on your mind, ask questions, and share concerns related to raising your kids.  “See you” there!

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, February 5, 2008
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

And as always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

My aunt sent me this prayer last week:

St. Theresa’s Prayer 

May today there be peace within.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.

Hmm…read that again, but this time, focus on you as a parent; as a mom or dad.  You were uniquely created by God to be your child’s mom or dad!  May you be at peace, knowing that He - the Lord himself! - equips you.  Celebrate both the gifts He has given you already, and that which He is growing in you right now.  ~Amen!

Today was haircut day, and my son’s hairstyle is a little longer than I’d have chosen myself - that is, if I were the one calling the shots on his hairstyle.

Why aren’t I calling the shots?

Well, some would call it a compromise; others might call it the dumbing down of parental expectations. I think of it as “choosing my battles.”

With all the expectations he already has to live up to - things like saying “No” to Teen games like Guitar Hero, even when all his friends are playing it - I think supporting his own freedom of expression in an area as innocuous as a hairstyle is a positive thing.

See, we can maintain our influence as parents even when we make intentional decisions to support our kids’ independence. We need to realize this truth, or we’ll start to panic and declare rule after rule in areas that don’t even matter to us!

What do you think? Where have you made an intentional decision about a “battle” or two, and ended up feeling really good about it?

Remember, too, that there’s a vast difference between choosing - which is work and requires us to think on the issue for a bit - and ignoring an issue altogether.

Lord, give us your wisdom as we consider those areas where we can support our kids’ growing independence, and those areas where we need to exert our authority as moms and lead our children in a different direction. Above all, may your will be done in their lives, and may we be your instrument in guiding them. Amen.

Today’s Tuesdays at 2:00 call was about being a positive role model for our kids. When you think about it, we’re “on” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That’s a lot of pressure to set the right example for our kids!

Before you listen to the call, though, I have to tell you something: My kids had a snow day today!

(Now, I know I can be “real” with you, so I don’t feel self-conscious about the noises and distractions you’ll hear on the recording; but I mention it for any visitors who may be listening in for the first time… Setting up car tracks, dispensing snacks, and kissing boo-boos aren’t typical installments of our weekly support call!)

So during the call, we brainstormed a myriad of ways in which we influence our kids: Our Personal Spiritual Growth, Living a Healthy Lifestyle, Managing Our Own Emotions, Taking Care of Ourselves, Maintaining Our Relationships, and Being Financially Responsible, just to name a few.

Our natural tendency might be to start exploring this topic by focusing on those areas where we feel we need some improvement. While that may be a natural first reaction, imagine - instead - exploring the areas where we really excel at being role models to our kids.

If you had to name three areas where you know you’re leaving a positive stamp on your kids’ lives, what would your response be?

See, I think that if we think about it, we’re going to come up with a lot of areas where we already shine at being good role models for our kids!

So what do you notice about these areas where you shine? What makes being a positive role model easier for you in these areas?

Now take it a step further and spend some time this week thinking about these areas and looking at what makes them stand out for you. Is it your passion? Experience? Take notice of the gifts that you bring in these areas, which make your parenting stand out (because you can bet that the areas where you shine don’t necessarily come as easily to everyone else).

As for the areas where you still feel you need improvement, be forgiving of yourself. See if there is anything you can learn from the areas where you do excel, and begin to take baby steps in the direction you want to change.

In addition, realize that it’s a process. No one - including God - expects you to be a perfect mom! We all face challenges, and at the end of the day, in most matters, it’s how we handle our perceived failures that carries the most weight.

(See, even in that we can be positive role models for our kids of what it means to repent and to forgive!)

As parents, we influence our kids in so many ways. Whether we’re intentional about it or not, we shape who they are, and who they are becoming.

Do you think about that much - that we serve as 24-hour Role Models to our children? What do they see? Where do we shine as role models, and what might we need to work on?

That’s our topic for this week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call for Christian moms: Being a Positive Role Model for Our Kids.

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2008
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

Hope to “see” you there. And if you have any questions before then, feel free to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

“No” is a word that, by necessity, our kids tend to hear quite often. Some recent examples from the Wolf house include:   “No, you can’t eat chocolate chips at 9:00 in the morning,” “No, you can’t bring all of your Webkinz into school for Show and Tell,” “No, you can not bring your Gameboy on the school bus,” and “No, you can not stay up late tonight, even if you’re on the most exciting chapter!”

So how can we mix it up so that our kids don’t tune us out entirely when they hear “no” yet another time?

In addition to the Plain Old “No,” here are four different ways of saying “No” to our kids:

1. No with a redirect - For example, “No, let’s play a game/read a book/play outside instead.”
2. No with an explanation - “No, we’re not going to rent that movie because some of the jokes aren’t appropriate for kids.”
3. No with a compromise - “No, but you’re welcome to invite your friends over here to play ‘E’ games.”
4. No with added responsibility - “Not at this time. If you’re really serious about this, though, I’d like to see you work toward it by… (taking care of your hamster…doing your chores without being asked…etc.)”

These are just a few ideas for mixing up the manner in which we say “No” to our kids. And remember, upholding our boundaries as parents is really important. Our kids need to hear “No,” so this message is not about dumbing down our limits. But the more we can involve our kids in the process, the more they can feel “heard” by us, which is one more step in equipping them to listen and meet our expectations -and that, after all, is the goal.

For more tips on dealing with this issue, visit the “Tuesdays at 2:00″ support call archive and listen to the audio recording of our discussion.

Saying “No” is something we do a lot as parents, isn’t it? Whether you’re guiding a toddler or a teen, there’s no escaping “no, no, no.”

But if no is something our kids again and again, how can we be sure we have their attention when we’re using it? Are there other ways to say no?

Variations on Saying “No” - Mixing it Up and Keeping it Interesting is the topic for this week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call.

To join us, simply call (218) 486-1300 and enter the code 669379 at 2:00 pm (Eastern Standard Time) on Tuesday, January 15, 2008. Participation is absolutely free, other than any long distance charges you may incur.

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, January 15, 2008
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

As always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

Where do you find movie reviews you can count on? This is a question that came up during our most recent Tuesdays at 2:00 support call. Here are two sites that I really like and have found to be very beneficial in helping me to evaluate kids’ movies, music, and books:

PluggedInOnline.org: This resource is a ministry of Focus on the Family. The Web site includes both movie reviews and music reviews. For movies, the reviewers provide a synopsis, as well as a breakdown of the film’s spiritual content, questionable elements, and their conclusion regarding the overall quality of the film for young viewers. Likewise, music reviews provide detailed descriptions of questionable content, include song lyrics. (Great for helping your teen take a critical look at the message of Kid Rock’s “Rock n Roll Jesus.”)

CommonSenseMedia.org: I also like this site for previewing the content of books my son would like to read. Though the reviews are not necessarily written from a Christian world view, I have found the site to be especially helpful because it includes book reviews - in addition to movies - that are written by parents, as well as kids. Each review includes suggested age ranges, too, which can be really helpful in determining whether a particular movie would be appropriate for all of the children in your household.

What other review sites have you found helpful? Share them with readers here on the blog by leaving a comment below.