Faith in Parenting

Today’s Tuesdays at 2:00 call was about being a positive role model for our kids. When you think about it, we’re “on” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That’s a lot of pressure to set the right example for our kids!

Before you listen to the call, though, I have to tell you something: My kids had a snow day today!

(Now, I know I can be “real” with you, so I don’t feel self-conscious about the noises and distractions you’ll hear on the recording; but I mention it for any visitors who may be listening in for the first time… Setting up car tracks, dispensing snacks, and kissing boo-boos aren’t typical installments of our weekly support call!)

So during the call, we brainstormed a myriad of ways in which we influence our kids: Our Personal Spiritual Growth, Living a Healthy Lifestyle, Managing Our Own Emotions, Taking Care of Ourselves, Maintaining Our Relationships, and Being Financially Responsible, just to name a few.

Our natural tendency might be to start exploring this topic by focusing on those areas where we feel we need some improvement. While that may be a natural first reaction, imagine - instead - exploring the areas where we really excel at being role models to our kids.

If you had to name three areas where you know you’re leaving a positive stamp on your kids’ lives, what would your response be?

See, I think that if we think about it, we’re going to come up with a lot of areas where we already shine at being good role models for our kids!

So what do you notice about these areas where you shine? What makes being a positive role model easier for you in these areas?

Now take it a step further and spend some time this week thinking about these areas and looking at what makes them stand out for you. Is it your passion? Experience? Take notice of the gifts that you bring in these areas, which make your parenting stand out (because you can bet that the areas where you shine don’t necessarily come as easily to everyone else).

As for the areas where you still feel you need improvement, be forgiving of yourself. See if there is anything you can learn from the areas where you do excel, and begin to take baby steps in the direction you want to change.

In addition, realize that it’s a process. No one - including God - expects you to be a perfect mom! We all face challenges, and at the end of the day, in most matters, it’s how we handle our perceived failures that carries the most weight.

(See, even in that we can be positive role models for our kids of what it means to repent and to forgive!)

This week on our weekly telephone support call for Christian moms, we talked about how we can all be intentional about entering our kids’ world. To listen in on the call, click “Support Call Archive” to your right. (The archive page will always include the support call recordings for the most recent four-week period.)

Being a kid today is a lot different from when we were young ourselves. Therefore, as parents, we can’t just rely on our own our experiences growing up to guide us. So what can we do to enter our kids’ world?

Here is a list of things you can do to be intentional about putting yourself in your kids’ shoes on a regular basis:

1. Watch TV With Your Kids. If you tend to use your kids’ TV time to get some other things done around the house, you’re not alone! But taking the time to be intentional about watching some shows together can be a real eye-opener. You’ll not only find out what’s most attractive to your child about his/her favorite TV shows, but you might also find yourself learning the source of some of your kids’ newly-developed phrases, like “Oh, snap!”I personally like to watch TV with my kids to help them evaluate some of the programs they’d like to watch regularly. For us, this has led to some really meaningful conversations about how we treat one another and whether what we choose to watch mirrors how we act in real life.

   As adults, we can separate the two, but that’s harder to do for young children. (So when they watch Sponge Bob belittle Squidward, it’s easy to get the idea that that’s how friends behave in the real world.) Taking the time to watch a show that I may not personally care for, and then talking about it together, has also helped my kids understand why we’ve chosen not to let them watch certain shows on a regular basis.

2. Play Video Games With Them. In the same way, playing video games together is a great way to be a part of your child’s world. For one thing, it lets your child see you in a completely different light! (I happen to be quite skilled at NASCAR, according to my 8-year-old.) Playing your kids’ favorite games together also lets you know what the game world is all about. I especially encourage this for parents whose kids play “Teen” or “Mature” games.My personal stance is that my 8-year-old is only allowed to play “E” (for “Everyone ages 6 and older”) games. Part of this is because, aside from the more mature humor on most “Teen” games, some “T” and “M” video games will actually reward a player’s performance with material that would be inappropriate for a younger child to experience. This is why you need to play the game for yourself. In addition, research each of your kids’ video games on www.esrb.org to find out why, specifically, they were given that particular rating.
3. Visit Web Sites They Frequent. Similarly, you’re going to want to visit the Web sites your kids go to. What we’ve done is “bookmark” all of the sites our kids are allowed to go to, and then they know that they have to access sites through their bookmarked listings. In addition, go ahead and get on Webkinz and Club Penguin. See for yourself what’s involved so that you can make informed decisions about what online activities are permissible for your kids.
4. Read the Books They’re Reading. This can be another great way to connect with your kids and learn even more about what they’re into in this season of their lives. If you think about it, when our kids are little, we spend a lot of time helping them find books and activities that compliment their interests. (Remember reading book after book on trucks?) As our kids get older, they start doing the thing we hoped they’d do - they read what interests them! And one way for us to keep up with their ever-changing interests and curiosities is to read along with them. So grab one of your kids’ chapter books and see what it is they’re into!

I addition, all of us need to remember that stepping into our kids’ world is a process. It requires us to be intentional and, at times, to do things that may not always suit our personal interests. But the payoff is huge! Because taking the time to ’step into’ our kids’ world on a regular basis enhances our deep and ever-developing connection.

This week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call focused on how we can get our kids to cooperate from their hearts, rather than in an effort to avoid a consequence or gain a reward (though there are certainly times and places for those!).

To listen in on the call, visit the support call archive and listen to the call labeled Getting Kids to Cooperate With a Willing Spirit.

During the call, we talked about:

1. Setting the Stage for Cooperation - These strategies included making sure our kids are getting enough rest, setting clear expectations, tending to our own self-care, knowing our own limits, and looking at external influences on our kids (such as whether playing with a certain friend results in a hyper-sensitive, worn-out child; or whether eating foods with corn syrup or food coloring has an impact on your child’s behavior).
2. Affirming the Positive - Letting your kids know it when you notice their cooperation. (We talked about the need to start an “Acknowledging Random Acts of Kindness” campaign!)
3. Be Consistent - Note that this is separate from nagging. Nagging is when we say “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,… Next time…” and then never follow through on it. What we’re doing instead is noticing a behavior, such as whining or having a poor attitude when you make a request, and intentionally helping our kids replace it with a more positive option. It’s about shaping their character for their good, not just our convenience.
4. Giving Them Our Attention - Begin to notice how giving your kids the gift of your attention impacts their level of cooperation. I think you’ll find that your attention is a powerful, powerful tool at your disposal! Remember, their cooperation is an extension of our attention.
5. Give Them Tools for Negotiating a Compromise - Lastly, take the time to explicitly teach your kids how to respond to a request by positively, respectfully, and calmly asking you to consider an alternative. This is a life-skill our kids need, and we can teach it to them right here at home in a way that makes cooperation a win-win for both of you. There’s nothing wrong with working out a compromise that suits both of you as long as you teach your child how to respectfully suggest the alternative solution.

This week we focused on how to cultivate our children’s strengths. If someone asked you right now what your kids’ strengths are, what would you say? What ideas would immediately roll of your tongue? What sets them apart from others?

Some of their strengths are immediately obvious. Perhaps your child is great with numbers, is naturally athletic, or is extremely empathetic with others.

Now, dig a little deeper. What are some of the under-developed aspects of your child’s personality or character that you might be able to help him or her cultivate? What potential do you see? And what might be the natural result of these characteristics without your intentional guidance?

During the call (which you can listen to online by selecting “Support Call Archive” in the sidebar to your right), I shared that my daughter is a very passionate person. At 4, I can tell you that this sometimes poses a challenge for me. But when I shift my focus off of the inconvenience of her being passionate about - say, her perspective of what’s “fair” - to envisioning the potential that’s wrapped up in that part of her, I begin to look at things a bit differently.

Instead of passionate and dramatic, I’m thinking of how she has the potential to grow into an extremely compassionate young woman, able to put herself into another person’s shoes and even stand up for those around her.

And the beauty of it is that when I see the challenges of tempering her passion (at times) through that lens of potential, it changes how I deal with it in the moment.

How about you? What are some of the more challenging aspects of your kids’ personalities, and how might you be able to influence them for good in how you choose to respond?

Also, how can you honor your kids where they’re at, and how might that free them to further develop their unique strengths? For more on this topic, listen to the entire support call recording.

Our calls will still take place on “Tuesdays at 2:00,” but we’re now using a different conference call center, which means that both the phone number and access code have changed. The new phone number is (218) 486-1300, and the access code is 669379.

In addition, I wanted to point out two changes that may affect readers who to listen to the audio recordings of our support calls online:

1. The calls will now be available on a separate web site. To make it easy for you to find the most recent audio recordings, I’ve also added a permanent link on the sidebar to the right, titled “Support Call Archive.”
2. The audio recording of each support call will be available for four weeks.

If at any time you have questions or need assistance, don’t hesitate to contact me.

This week we enjoyed a great discussion of various Advent Activities for Families, from traditional Advent calendars, to Jesse trees, to weekly Advent devotions. You can listen to an abbreviated version of the support call here on the site.

In addition, I’ll be putting some of the ideas we talked about up on the blog over the next several days, along with links to resources you can use.

As well, if I can be of assistance with your family’s Advent devotions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

Listen to This Week’s “Tuesdays at 2:00″ Support Call: Advent Activities for Families

On this week’s support call, we took a walk through some of our favorite holiday traditions and explored ways that we can use those activities to reinforce lessons of faith for our kids. If you weren’t able to join us, you can listen to the entire call right here on the site.

Some of the activities we talked about were decorating the Christmas tree, baking, and making holiday decorations. Here are some questions you can ask your kids as you do these activities:

• While Hanging Christmas Lights Remind your kids that we are to be the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14-16)
• While Decorating the Tree Ask your children why some people use a angel on top of the tree and some families use a star. What do these symbolize?
• While Baking Ask your children about the spices you’re using. What other spices or seasonings are they familiar with? Then talk about how we are the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13).
• Making Snowflakes Remind your children that just as each snowflake is unique, each person is a unique creation, made in God’s image, and yet unlike any other person on earth!

For more ideas, listen to the recording of this week’s call, or check out the book The Adventure of Christmas by Lisa Whelchel.

Think back to your pre-children days. Did you ever take a day off of work because you just weren’t feeling great? I remember struggling with making that phone call (Am I really “sick enough” to stay home?) and then being so glad I did, realizing only as I rested how much I truly needed that break and time to recuperate.

Do we give that to ourselves as moms? Ever? This week’s topic for the “Tuesdays at 2:00” call was taking care of ourselves as moms during the holiday season.

Of course self-care includes taking the time to really heal and get better when needed; but it also means taking care of ourselves before we become ill or exhausted, worn-out or short-tempered, so that we’re able to withstand the stress of the holiday season.

And let’s not forget, as well, that even “good stress” is stressful! I love all of the baking, gift-wrapping, and decorating that come with the holiday season, but not all at once! So doing it in a way that’s consistently enjoyable - and fruitful for our families - requires some planning.

To explore with us the practical ideas we talked about on the call for how we can make self-care a priority, listen to the call in its entirety right here on the site.

In addition, I’ll be writing up a printable chart of self-care ideas in the next few days, which you’ll be able to print out. If each of us can make an effort to incorporate even just 2-3 self-care steps during the holiday season, we’ll be in a good position for truly experiencing and receiving the Christmas joy we so want to share with our kids!

Listen to the Call: Taking Care of Ourselves as Moms During the Holiday Season

On today’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call, we shared ideas for using the Thanksgiving holiday to teach our children about giving thanks to God. We covered so many great ideas, I’m going to break them down into two blog posts.

Today I’ll focus on volunteering opportunities surrounding this holiday, since that was what we discussed first. Tomorrow I’ll add some tips for how you can use the day of the holiday to help your kids give thanks to God.

Remember, too, that you can listen to the call in its entirety any time.

Ideas for Volunteering as a Family:

• Call a local soup kitchen and volunteer to help make or serve the meal for Thanksgiving Day. Even if you’re unable to be present on the day of the holiday, they’re sure to need assistance both beforehand and after.
• Bring your kids grocery shopping with you and ask them what their favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal is. Purchase double ingredients for that item and donate one set to the local food bank. (They may even have a drop-off box right there at the store.)
• Call a women’s shelter or family assistance program and ask how many people will be present for the holiday. Then make and drop off a special dessert, such as pumpkin pie. It’s super easy to make (I use refrigerated pie crust and follow the recipe on the back of Libby’s canned pumpkin!), and it’s also something you can do the day before, since it needs to chill for a few hours.
• If your child’s school is having a food drive, volunteer to help load the truck or deliver the goods. This is a great family activity and really makes an impact on the kids when they see where the food is actually going.

What other ideas do you have? Use the comments area to share your ideas and experiences with giving to others at Thanksgiving.

Listen to the Call: Teaching Our Kids to Give Thanks to God at Thanksgiving

This week’s topic was dealing with our feelings of “failure” as moms. We all have them! Those times when we question our course of action or wonder whether we’re doing this “right.” I’m especially grateful to the women on today’s call who shared their own experiences with these all-too-common feelings.

If you were unable to join us today, you can listen to the call in its entirety right here on the Web site.

One thing we talked about was a three-step plan of action for dealing with our feelings of failure:

1. Ask yourself whether you really feel this way in your heart, or whether these feelings of failure are perhaps coming from outside yourself (other moms, our culture, etc.). Julie Barnhill, author of the book One Tough Mother, suggests asking yourself, “Does this really matter in the light of Eternity?” That’s an excellent way to separate what really matters from what doesn’t!
2. If your response is “Yes,” then ask yourself what you are willing/able to do about it at this time. Realize, too, that taking baby-steps in the right direction is probably going to be a whole lot more effective - and lasting - than trying to accomplish a complete 180 overnight.
3. If the answer is “No,” ask yourself how you can take steps toward letting go of the issue.

In addition, something powerful that came up during the call was that we all have different gifts as moms! I’d encourage you to spend some time this week thinking about what it is that your kids get because they have you for a mom, that they might not otherwise have. God put them in your family, with you as their Mommy, intentionally! And He has equipped you with specific and unique gifts to share.

Finally, I shared with the moms on the call two verses that I think speak to this issue. The first is 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, where Paul is explaining that it is through his weakness that God’s strength shines. That’s true for us as Moms, too! Instead of hiding our weaknesses, we should consider how God might use them to show His strength in our lives.

The other verse is one that Lisa Welchel shared on Saturday at the Hearts at Home conference. It’s 2 Timothy 1:12b, “…I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.”

In other words, I know that it is Jesus himself in whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard and protect my children, whom I have entrusted to Him.

That’s huge! Yes, we fall short as moms. We do. We simply can’t be perfect. But we’ve already entrusted our children to Him, and He will equip us! Amen!

Listen to the Call: Dealing With Those Times When We Feel Like a Failure as Moms