Faith in Parenting

This week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call focused on how we can get our kids to cooperate from their hearts, rather than in an effort to avoid a consequence or gain a reward (though there are certainly times and places for those!).

To listen in on the call, visit the support call archive and listen to the call labeled Getting Kids to Cooperate With a Willing Spirit.

During the call, we talked about:

1. Setting the Stage for Cooperation - These strategies included making sure our kids are getting enough rest, setting clear expectations, tending to our own self-care, knowing our own limits, and looking at external influences on our kids (such as whether playing with a certain friend results in a hyper-sensitive, worn-out child; or whether eating foods with corn syrup or food coloring has an impact on your child’s behavior).
2. Affirming the Positive - Letting your kids know it when you notice their cooperation. (We talked about the need to start an “Acknowledging Random Acts of Kindness” campaign!)
3. Be Consistent - Note that this is separate from nagging. Nagging is when we say “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,… Next time…” and then never follow through on it. What we’re doing instead is noticing a behavior, such as whining or having a poor attitude when you make a request, and intentionally helping our kids replace it with a more positive option. It’s about shaping their character for their good, not just our convenience.
4. Giving Them Our Attention - Begin to notice how giving your kids the gift of your attention impacts their level of cooperation. I think you’ll find that your attention is a powerful, powerful tool at your disposal! Remember, their cooperation is an extension of our attention.
5. Give Them Tools for Negotiating a Compromise - Lastly, take the time to explicitly teach your kids how to respond to a request by positively, respectfully, and calmly asking you to consider an alternative. This is a life-skill our kids need, and we can teach it to them right here at home in a way that makes cooperation a win-win for both of you. There’s nothing wrong with working out a compromise that suits both of you as long as you teach your child how to respectfully suggest the alternative solution.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 3:51 pm and is filed under listening, audio, children. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.