The topic of bullies came up on this week’s “Tuesdays at 2:00” support call, as one mom shared that her son has had to deal with several bullies on the school bus this year. While the incidents were addressed as soon as her son brought them to her attention, she was asking on our “Open Line” call for ideas to help her son deal with the issue in the future, should it ever come up again.
(Note: To listen to the audio recording of the call, click “Support Call Archive” to your right.”)
Well, I can tell you that - having been bullied myself as a kid - it’s an issue that’s near-and-dear to my heart, and I’ve always wanted to make sure that my own kids have the skills to deal with bullies upfront. So we actually started early our own mini-version of “bully proofing” our kids by role playing with them how to deal with sandbox-type conflicts when they were small.
(What’s that? Well, you know, you’re at a playground and your child is playing with some other kids he/she just met. Everything is fine, until one of the kids grabs something out of your child’s hands, or starts throwing sand… you know, a sandbox conflict!)
So here’s what we taught them:
Introduce Yourself - Early on, we taught both of our kids how to explicitly introduce themselves to other kids. “Hi, my name is… Do you want to play?” Neither of them were totally comfortable with it at first, but I can tell you that once they got the hang of it, I could see on their faces that they were so proud of themselves!
Speak Up - We role played with our kids how to handle it when someone grabs something from you, kicks you, cuts you in line, or does something you don’t like.
Use a Deeper, More Serious Tone of Voice - This is something that is especially good for kids to practice at home. By using a deeper voice to assert themselves, they draw instant attention to what they’re saying.
Name It - In addition, we taught our kids to come right out and say the thing that they want the other child to stop doing. For example, “Don’t kick me.” This also gets the other child’s attention and helps them to realize, if they didn’t already, what it is that they’re doing.
Talk About It - Finally, we also taught them to come and talk with us about it when they’re having difficulty.
Remember, too, that our kids feel conflicted about how to handle conflicts with other kids. We’ve taught them to share, be kind, cooperative, and generous. Then, when they find themselves in a situation where another child is doing the exact opposite, they’re not sure how to handle it without getting themselves into trouble. The key is to explicitly give them skills for asserting themselves, and teach them when it’s appropriate to use them.
In addition, consider checking out from your local library several fiction books dealing with the issue of bullying. This way, you’ll have plenty of context with which you can role play with your kids. Ask them, “What was the most important thing that ___ did to deal with the problem?” “What would you have done differently?” “What do you think it sounded like when he said that?”
Unfortunately, dealing with bullies is probably something that all of our kids are going to come up against at some point in their lives. Talking about it now will equip them with the skills they need, and also help them to reach out and defend other kids when they see bullying behaviors happening around them.
Recommended Bookslists/Children’s Books on Bullying:
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