Faith in Parenting

Do you have a “life verse?” If I had to choose one, I think I’d go with Proverbs 3:5-6. It’s one of the very first verses I memorized as a young believer.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

It’s a passage that has remained with me, one that gives me great encouragement and direction. It’s also a verse that I highlighted in children’s Bibles for both of my kids. One day I just sat down with my Bible, along with a couple of those pink and blue Precious Moments Bibles my children had received as gifts, and started highlighting some of my favorite passages for them.

It was a neat exercise, to think that if anything ever happened to me, which passages would I want them to know had been most important to me…

How about you? What verses mean the most to you, that you would want your children to have a record of?

Consider grabbing a highlighter and making some notes in a Bible for them, or sitting down and writing them a year-end letter that includes some of your favorite Scripture passages. It’s a great year-ending activity for all of you!

Consider, too, sharing your thoughts here in the comments area of the blog. I’d love to know which passages are most meaningful to you and your family.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me to remind her - next December (2008) - not to throw her daughter’s birthday party and their family birthday party on the same day. Since I was near the computer at the time we were talking, I quickly went in to my Outlook calendar and made a note of it. Now I’ll receive a reminder at the beginning of December, and when I do, I’ll remind her!

So that got me thinking… What do I want to do differently next year?

It’s kind of like debriefing after Vacation Bible School. When it ends, you have a ton of ideas for how things should be done the next year, but if you don’t write them down, your wisdom is easily forgotten by the time the planning committee meets in the spring to prepare for the next year’s VBS.

So what about you? What do you want to do differently next year when it comes to your family’s holiday celebrations? What do you want to do the same?

Here’s My List of Personal Do’s and Don’ts:

• Do not purchase Christmas cards that require envelopes! I’m already planning to buy Christmas postcards next year. That alone should save me several hours of work. (Perhaps I should explain… My husband is a pastor, and I feel very strongly that each member of his congregation should receive a Christmas card from him; this year we bought 500 cards, and we have a handful left over!)
• Do not try a new recipe on Christmas morning! (Folks, the make-ahead blueberry French toast didn’t turn out so well!)
• Do stick with the “3 gifts per family member” plan. This year, the kids asked “Santa” for the “gold” item (something they really wanted), and we purchased “frankincense” and “myrrh” gifts for them (something to wear and something to read).
• Do go Christmas caroling again on Christmas Eve. We went to a local nursing home with another family from our small group, and it was a blast! I can’t even begin to express how thankful these people were to have our children show up at their doorway, singing.

How about you? What would you do the same, and what would you do differently? As simple as it seems, it’s actually important for us to have these conversations with ourselves now, so that we can be sure to implement our best intentions next year.

If it’s helpful to you, write yourself a note and tape it to your December 2008 calendar page, or even pack it away with your Christmas ornaments this year, so that you’ll be sure to read it again when you take out those same boxes eleven months from now.

In addition, share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Isaiah 9:2

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

Luke 2:30-32

For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel.

Reflections:

Doesn’t everything dark and frightening seem much better by the light of day? Think about a time when you were scared, or faced a huge problem - one so big it kept you from sleep. Once dawn breaks, that same issue often looks smaller and more manageable. There’s something about turning the light on - whether it’s a physical lamp by your bed, or the light of daybreak - that makes us feel more capable.

And how much more so the light of Jesus in our lives! See, He is THE Light. The light that makes all the difference!

John 8:12 tells us that “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”

And Isaiah 60:20(b) tells us that “The LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end”

Let’s also look at John 1:9-12

The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

Here we see that Jesus came to give light to every man (and woman). Not for some. Not for few. True, there may be few who will accept Jesus’ offer of salvation and truly follow Him, but His offer is for ALL.

Friends, that means that Christmas Day is for each and every one of us! And one common theme through all of these Advent devotions has been focusing on our response. Today, what is our response to this news? If Jesus came in to the world - fully human and yet fully God - to bring Light to our lives, to offer us hope, and peace, truth, and salvation, what is our response to Him? It’s a truth that’s too big to ignore, too huge to push aside or overlook.

Take some time today to get away - even for just a few minutes - and pray with God about your response. Don’t worry about having the right words or the right posture.  Your words don’t have to be lengthy or eloquent to count to Him! He’s ready, even right now, to listen to and accept your response to His most awesome gift - eternal life!

Luke 2:15-20

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

John 10:11

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

Reflections:

When has your life gone exactly according to your plan? Can we even name one occasion, one family vacation, even one holiday gathering that went off without a hitch? It’s hard to come up with, isn’t it?

Fortunately, we’ve learned to be flexible and accommodate changes in our routines and plans. In fact, I think we almost expect something to go wrong. After all, we’ve become so accustomed to not having our expectations met, that when something goes smoothly, it’s surprising.

When I look at this passage, it occurs to me that perhaps the shepherds felt like that, too, to some extent. Why else would Luke point out that the shepherds praised God for all that they had seen and heard, and specifically mention that the events took place exactly as they’d been told they would?

It’s interesting. And it also reminds me that there’s another plan that won’t go awry, that you - like the shepherds - can share with others. It’s the story of how God is drawing you to Him, calling you to follow with all of your heart, mind, and soul. Do you sense it?

There are many names for Jesus in the Bible, and one of them is The Good Shepherd. That’s because He takes care of his sheep. How do we know if we’re one of His sheep? Well, in John 10:27, Jesus said, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” Do we listen for Him? And do we respond to his voice?  Do our actions change as a result of knowing him?

Let’s think on that this season, for He is still calling, leading, and caring for us, just as a shepherd cares for his flock. The question is: How will we respond?

Lord, help us to hear your voice and take even just one step in the direction of following you with our whole hearts. We know you are there, gently and loving calling to us. Thank you for never giving up or turning away from your children. Amen.

What are your family’s New Years Resolutions? I did a little poking around the Internet today to see if I couldn’t find a concise list of moms’ top resolutions. Here’s a list of the five most common themes I noticed:

1. I’m finally going to lose those last ten pounds
2. I’m going to keep my house clean
3. I’m going to finish the kids’ scrapbooks
4. I’m going to manage my time better
5. I’m going to begin a daily spiritual practice (such as doing daily devotions, a gratitude journal, etc.)

Don’t get me wrong; these are good. But sometimes the very language we choose when we come up with these goals sets us up to fail. I mean, what do words like “finally” and “better” suggest? That we stink in these areas right now, and that’s why we’ve listed them on our resolutions, right?

So let’s start to take a look at our resolutions in a different light. I’m going to walk you through a three-step process for revising your resolutions. To learn more, listen to this week’s recorded support call on revising our resolutions for 2008.

Step 1: Look at what’s behind the resolution. What’s the real intent? Then, ask yourself whether you agree with it and want to pursue it.

For example, for me, the real intent behind wanting to loose weight is taking better care of myself. When I look at it that way, I see a whole slew of possible ways I can begin to take better care of myself. It’s not really about the number on the scale; it’s about feeling better and having more energy.

Step 2: Rephrase the resolution so that the language is freeing, as opposed to being something that makes you feel guilty or lacking.

In regards to the above example, I can rephrase my goal as simply taking care of myself. Boy, does that sound like a lot more fun than “losing weight!” I can really get excited about the idea of taking care of myself. How about you?

Step 3: Break it down into manageable baby-steps.

For example, I can drink more water, make a point of planning out my lunches (rather than eating Christmas cookies!), and walk three times a week. And these are much more doable, manageable, measurable baby-steps in the right direction.

You can apply this three-step process to just about any resolutions you come up with. But remember, take baby steps, and give yourself permission to start again any time you need to. Let’s not say our resolution is to read the Bible everyday, skip January 2nd, and then give up on the whole year. (C’mon, I know you’re out there. I’ve done it, too!)

Instead, give yourself permission to start again, even if it means starting over each and every day. Resolutions - and life itself, if you’re paying attention - are about the process. So let’s be determined to enjoy the process, and pay attention to our progress, not just the “finish line.”

One final word about creating doable resolutions: Don’t try to do it all at once. If you have a list of five or six areas you’d like you work on this year, don’t put pressure on yourself to incorporate all those changes at the same time.  Instead, work on them one at a time until your new habits build on and support one another.

Realize, too, that you don’t have to do it all alone. If you’d like to talk with me about one-on-one coaching in setting and following through on your goals for this year, give me a call at (616) 499-3376 or send me an e-mail, and I will get back to you.

Have you ever sat down and developed a list of goals for your family? What would you like to accomplish in 2008?

Think about it… In the working world, employees set and work toward clear-cut goals all the time. They work toward better communication… improved customer service… higher sales… Measurable goals employers and employees keep in mind while going about day-to-day work-related tasks.

Well, what about at home? Here, it feels much like we’re our own boss, doesn’t it? Of course, we’re responsible to God for how we raise our kids, but working it out on a day to day basis falls directly on our shoulders. How might our success at “working on” certain areas of our parenting improve if we set some clear goals and developed a plan for accomplishing them?

That’s part of what we’ll do on the support call this week. In addition, we’ll talk about how we can revise those goals to make them guilt-free and doable! I hope you’ll join us for our final Tuesdays at 2:00 call for 2007.

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, December 18, 2007
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

As always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

Isaiah 52:7

How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
“Your God reigns!”

Luke 2:8-14

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Luke 4:18-19

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Listen again to these key words spoken by the angel of the Lord who appeared before the shepherds: “I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” Not just some. The Good News of Jesus Christ is for all!

He came for each one of us. Not just for those who see to have it all together, or for those who attend church every Sunday or who can recite the Apostle’s Creed from heart. No, friends - He came for all.

John 10:10 tells us that Jesus came “…that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Look again at today’s passage from Luke chapter 4. What does the Lord wish to give you to today? Is it good news you need in order to press on for yet another day?  Freedom from the “prisons” of your everyday life?  Recovery of sight for those areas in our lives where we no longer see what’s right in front of us?  Or release from that which has a hold on you? See, He can do all that and more!  And that was the very purpose for which He entered this world as a baby - fully human and yet fully God.

Where can He meet your needs today, Mom? Where do you have need of Him in your life?  And are you willing to ask Him, to turn to Him, and to rely fully on Him?

Lord,  There are areas in our lives where we’re poor in spirit, held captive by our circumstances, blind to what you might want to show us, and oppressed. Yet you came to this earth to set us free from these restraints and give us new life. By your Spirit, move within us to turn away from that which holds us back and to believe more fully that you came to earth for each of us - yes, each one of us.

~Amen.

This week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 support call focused on how we can get our kids to cooperate from their hearts, rather than in an effort to avoid a consequence or gain a reward (though there are certainly times and places for those!).

To listen in on the call, visit the support call archive and listen to the call labeled Getting Kids to Cooperate With a Willing Spirit.

During the call, we talked about:

1. Setting the Stage for Cooperation - These strategies included making sure our kids are getting enough rest, setting clear expectations, tending to our own self-care, knowing our own limits, and looking at external influences on our kids (such as whether playing with a certain friend results in a hyper-sensitive, worn-out child; or whether eating foods with corn syrup or food coloring has an impact on your child’s behavior).
2. Affirming the Positive - Letting your kids know it when you notice their cooperation. (We talked about the need to start an “Acknowledging Random Acts of Kindness” campaign!)
3. Be Consistent - Note that this is separate from nagging. Nagging is when we say “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,… Next time…” and then never follow through on it. What we’re doing instead is noticing a behavior, such as whining or having a poor attitude when you make a request, and intentionally helping our kids replace it with a more positive option. It’s about shaping their character for their good, not just our convenience.
4. Giving Them Our Attention - Begin to notice how giving your kids the gift of your attention impacts their level of cooperation. I think you’ll find that your attention is a powerful, powerful tool at your disposal! Remember, their cooperation is an extension of our attention.
5. Give Them Tools for Negotiating a Compromise - Lastly, take the time to explicitly teach your kids how to respond to a request by positively, respectfully, and calmly asking you to consider an alternative. This is a life-skill our kids need, and we can teach it to them right here at home in a way that makes cooperation a win-win for both of you. There’s nothing wrong with working out a compromise that suits both of you as long as you teach your child how to respectfully suggest the alternative solution.

Friends, we need a better strategy for getting our kids to cooperate at this time of year than singing Santa Claus is Coming to Town. (You know, “You’d better watch out, you’d better not pout…”).

What works to get your kids to cooperate from their hearts? Not with reluctance or an expression of exasperation.

Part of the family culture we want to cultivate is one in which each member of the family contributes to the good of the whole, where we’re helpful to one another out of love and willing service, not just because of the threat of consequences or the hope of rewards.

So how do we accomplish that? That’s our topic for this week’s Tuesdays at 2:00 call: Getting Kids to Cooperate with a Willing Spirit.

If you’re feeling a bit worn out at this point in the holiday season, if you’re tired of repeating yourself and wondering whether anyone is listening at all, this week’s topic is for you!

To join us, just call in to the conference line at 2:00 p.m. EST on Tuesday. It’s free to participate; the only cost to you is, potentially, a long distance telephone call.

Directions for Joining Us on the Weekly Support Call:

• Date: Tuesday, December 11, 2007
• Time: 2:00-2:35 PM (ET)
• Telephone Number: (218) 486-1300
• Access Code: 669379

As always, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.

Blessings,

Jennifer

Micah 5:2

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,
though you are small among the clans of Judah,
out of you will come for me
one who will be ruler over Israel,
whose origins are from of old,
from ancient times. ”

Luke 2:1-7

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Reflections:

Isn’t it interesting to see how God works out the minute details of our lives? Think of a time when you were delayed getting somewhere, and even felt distressed and anxious about the fact that you were running late, only to find that you ended up arriving at exactly the time you needed to, and that God had really ordained all those interruptions that looked like obstacles. Sometimes what looks to us like pure chaos is really part of the plan God has designed for our lives, but we can’t quite recognize it until we see the full picture.

The story of Jesus’ birth is a lot like that. Micah prophesied that Jesus would be born in Bethlehem. Yet Mary and Joseph weren’t even from there. And of course they must have been familiar with the Old Testament prophesies concerning the coming Messiah - that He would come from Bethlehem¹. Even while they trusted the Lord with everything that was happening to them, Mary and Joseph must have wondered if there was some mistake.

But then they received news that they were to go to Bethlehem to register for the census. Bethlehem! How they must have rejoiced and said to one another, “See, He is really doing this!”

What is He whispering to your heart today? What looks like chaos? What seems out of place or looks like it’s happening out of order? Could it be that God himself is laying the plans for something amazing in your life? Look for it. He’s there, in the details, bringing all things together for His good purpose.

There’s a verse from Romans that you may already be familiar with. It’s Romans 8:28. In the Revised Standard Version, it goes like this: “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

I love that it says “with.” He’s working for good with those who love him.

This Christmas season, ask Him how He wants to work for good in your life. Where are you most cooperating with what He wants to do? Where are you resisting? Trust in Him and ask Him to reveal to you the good and trustworthy plans He has for your life.

Are you familiar with Jeremiah 29:11? It says “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” For you, friend.

Christmas, with all its glory and excitement, it yet another personal, intimate reminder from the Lord that He has had plans for this entire world from the very beginning - and He has plans for you as well.

References:
¹Rebecca, Bauer Hayford. Just 25 Days ‘Til Christmas. Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2004. 42-43.